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Misconceptions about Sex

10/13/2019

2 Comments

 
Disclaimer: this article is obviously going to be discussing sex, but not in detail. Still, it's recommended for adults only.

I am going to start this off with an extremely wild concept for most people: women like sex. Now let's talk about why that matters and what we are doing wrong, pretty much across the planet.
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There are a lot of misconceptions about sex that mostly originate from Hollywood, but also from the church in general. The main one is that women have no interest in sex, it's just something they do because their husbands want to do it. In most cases, it's used like a bargaining chip to control the husband but almost never are women portrayed to actually want it themselves. When they are actually shown to want it, it's always this fast paced and seemingly passionate stuff, and of course, never with a married couple. This type of thing is almost always something sinful and completely fake. This brings me to the next misconception we need to talk about, the pleasure of women as it relates to sex.

Sex is a very pleasurable thing made for both men and women, in marriage of course. For men this is easy to figure out because things go rather fast for them, but women are different than that. It isn't just a fast thing for women, but in the end it is actually more pleasurable if anything, and that is exactly as it should be. Far too many couples are treating sex like it's supposed to be a fast thing meant only to please the man in the relationship. It might take a little more time and some extra effort, but it is worth doing so that the two can connect in a way no one else can. Sex is all about connecting to each other and learning, becoming closer and even sacrificing things for the other person. That might mean time or breaking out of your comfort zone and trying something new, but make no mistake, sex is for both of you. It is absolutely worth it to do everything you can to please each other. Which, of course, leads me into the next misconception, that sex is only for having kids.

While having kids is an obvious and important aspect of sex, and what it is primarily for, that isn't all it is for. As I mentioned before, sex is meant to bring us together and make us closer than anything else can but it's more then that. Sex is also about pleasure, doing things to make each other feel good and that is how God designed it. It isn't a coincidence that sex is a pleasurable thing, that is exactly as it should be, but people have this weird idea that sex is sinful unless it's for reproduction. It has its roots in the idea that sex is a dirty thing and to do it makes you impure, so it can only possibly be for having kids, and aside from that it's bad. This is very obviously wrong when you consider the fact that there is an entire book about sex in the Bible.
God would never tell you to sin and yet before the fall he told us to be fruitful and multiply, back in Genesis, a time without sin. You don't lose your purity when you have sex, you lose your purity when you choose to have sex outside of marriage. Anything in marriage pretty much goes (aside from a few things that really should be obvious but seemingly aren't). That is an issue worthy of its own article though. The fact is, in marriage everything about sex is pure and good, exactly as God intended it, so don't be afraid to do it just for the sake of pleasure and connection. I am not even able to have kids anymore, it doesn't mean that I am not allowed anywhere near my wife. And another thing, women, don't be afraid to push your husbands to do more. It is not wrong to want what you should have been getting all along sexually. He is not going to leave you or go for something else just because he has to spend some extra time with you, it will be good for him too in the long run!

Most of these misconceptions are left over traditions from places like the Catholic church, or ideas we have gotten from Hollywood. We need to smarter and not let these things lie to us, sex is a good and moral thing in marriage and it's something to look forward to. Don't make it something dirty or just something for the sake of reproduction, because it's more than that and you are depriving yourself of the full experience when you think that way. I promise you, God wants sex to be an awesome thing for both people in the relationship, so just have fun with it and enjoy God's gift to the fullest!
2 Comments
J G
10/31/2019 12:06:13 am

There are good ideas in this information. The value of sex and what it holds in relationships within love, a attribute and source of our God. I want to suggest a few points:

Sex is a mere act of procreation. We can certainly broaden that definition of acts regarding the sexual organs, but I would rather differentiate sex from sexual love. There is a difference. When we initiate sex from pure lust, it's for gratification, and while one could state that one could have that sort of relationship in marriage, I'm really (and I believe this article is as well) indicating lust outside of marriage. I would hope marriage would have more to it than lust as it would be very empty if the only thing a couple shares is just physical passion and no connection or attachment.

Hollywood certainly is a catalyst for secular ideas, including humanism and lust, but sex out of marriage and the carnal sins surrounding it are much older than Hollywood, this country, or even before the Messiah came to the Earth. There is a reason things like "prostitution" are referred to as "man's oldest profession". It's mentioned throughout the Old Testament, and it honestly stems from man's imagination of getting gratification outside of the laws and commandments set by God. That's its source.

The idea that sex is used by women to gain things they want out of men is certainly true in certain relationships, but to suggest that women want it less than men (which the article does not do) is absurd, even from a physiological standpoint. There are many types of people, many components to a person's behavior, health, and more that influence sexual decisions including the choices of when to partake of it. To attempt to cover all those is well outside of the scope of this reply and this article, and it would honestly take books to do a somewhat decent job at explaining those. The reason I mention this? Because certain verbiage of the article suggests gender associations:

> "women, don't be afraid to push your husbands to do more"

These sentences need work. Women should feel free to discuss their wants and things to do by communicating on what they enjoy, of course. However, men need to do this as well. If there is any one that should know a person's desires, it should that person's spouse. It's where the guards come down, and one should be able to truly communicate with one another physically, emotionally, spiritually...it's an embodiment of the love that God has for us. When I hear people mentioning terms like "women" or "men" in contexts like this, it really needs to be rethought or re-expressed because gender isn't the issue in those kind of relationships: culture is.

> - "For men this is easy to figure out because things go rather fast for them, but women are different than that"

Here again, this too needs work. It's going to depend on the person. I think I understand the idea that men can often progress faster in sex than women (if that is indeed the idea being expressed), but it can certainly (and often is) the other way around. However, this is typically the mindset of younger individuals that have yet to grasp the deeper connections of this gift. It's a growing process, but the bottom line is that gender does not dictate this.

I think the overall idea is good in this discussion, however those points could use some refinement.

Reply
Shepherd Aitheros
11/8/2019 04:33:53 am

Thank you for the comment, I appreciate the feedback a lot!

I think we are mostly on the same page, when I talk about Hollywood I am more just trying to show what they have normalized in our culture's mind. They are removing the love and connection from it and just making it this fast paced physical nonsense. As far as how women progress sexually I am talking about the fact that as a whole women take longer to reach climax as compared to a few minutes like (most) men. Women therefore are usually the ones being completely deprived while men think things are fine and are generally easily pleased. There are always exceptions and I am sure experience helps but this is the story I have seen over and over again in marriages. Sex is not just an act of lust, it creates a connection with that person emotionally even if we aren't conscious of it. In a marriage it brings the two people closer than they could ever be otherwise and part of that is the pleasure involved. Even when you are done having kids, sex is still going to be a pivotal part of any marriage. I don't think sex and sexual love are actually separate, I think they have just been divorced from each other so that it can become just a physical thing. God's intent is that love will be part of sex in marriage.

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